Habits: The Commit to Three Strategy
How this tactic is helping me GET STUFF DONE
Dearly beloveds,
Happy October days. The wet, sticky summer has dissipated and glorious fall is in full swing, showing off her brilliant colors and delivering cooler, dry air. I love this season, and it’s also extremely busy.
With so much going on all of the time, I often feel scattered and unorganized, but let me tell you about a small tweak that is greatly helping me get a few things done.
The Top Three.
Every evening, list your Top Three for the next day. For years, my list has looked like this:
Run
Spiritual practice (pray and read)
Write
Parenting is too obvious for me to list. So is “walk the dogs”. These are automatic so I don’t list them. The three things are the things I want to focus on and be very intentional about. Therefore, they should get done first, and preferably as early as possible.
The list is fairly unspecific, but I usually know what I want to do within each one.
I was reminded of the importance of The Top Three after reading
’s post Hit Your Goals With This One Simple Tactic. The post had such a good introduction that I became a paid subscriber for the month.“The Commit To Three tactic will help you focus on what's most important each day.”
This has proven to be true for me, and pairs extremely well with one of my favorite books, ATOMIC HABITS by James Clear. We make progress by consistently taking baby steps toward a goal. Suddenly - BOOM! BIG, ATOMIC RESULTS. Except you know they aren’t sudden at all. It’s all of those microscopic moments that got you there.
Accountability
This is SO IMPORTANT. Gretchen Rubin and her Four Tendencies Quiz tells me I’m an “Obliger” (with Upholder tendencies). Basically, I thrive with outer accountability (most people do). I have accountability buddies for every important aspect of my life: running buddies, writing buddies, spiritual/deep conversation buddies. We check in constantly. Without them, good intentions fall to the wayside.
Side note: our new credit card is connected to both me and my husband’s phones, so whenever one of us buys something, the other gets a message with the amount. I DO NOT LIKE THIS ACCOUNTABILITY buddy. Even though it’s probably good for me (I retract. I would never say that).
Realizing that I needed a reboot with some of my goals, my son and I began a system where every morning I text my top three. (He’s super into systems and accountability, too). There is no obligation for him to respond. I just need to know he’s expecting my text, because I do not like to let people down. At the end of the day, I text 0/3, 1/3, 2/3, or 3/3. This very simple act has gotten me back on track with my top three.
We often are led to believe that personal and professional breakthroughs happen in an instant because that is how it looks from the outside looking in. Instead, as with investing, massive gains come from small daily growth that multiplies over time.
Be Realistic
I discovered something really interesting about myself by recommitting to The Top Three. I am often unrealistic about how much I can actually get done in a day, and therefore, constantly frustrated.
For instance, while hosting 28 people for a family reunion this summer, “working on novel” was a silly expectation. So why list it? That sets me up for failure. That writing goal needs to disappear for the week unless I really have the intention of squirreling away for an hour every day. But why would I do that when my family is in town for just a few days, once a year? Instead, the top three should shift to one thing: enjoy the family reunion!
Robert Glazer advises getting The Top Three done before noon. As a writer, I can easily write into the afternoon, but also, if I’m focusing on one thing at a time, then I will either finish my writing sooner or write more, and than have more time for the many small tasks later in the day.
What about you? How do you get your stuff done? Does this system appeal to you?
Amy
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
Some Favorite (and wish list) Books for Fall …
with all of the brooding moodiness you could ever want in a setting.
REBECCA by Daphne Du Maurier. This is one of my all-time favorite reads, and I may love the 1940 black and white movie even more than the book. Mystery - Suspense - Romance! The modern series starring Lily James is good, but my heart belongs to the original with the spooky fog coming up the driveway to the enormous abandoned mansion of Manderley. Mrs. Danvers is the perfect villain (or was it Rebecca…?)
FRANKENSTEIN by Mary Shelley. “It all started with a game: Mary Shelley1 (1797-1851) and her friends gathered on a cold, stormy night2 and challenged one another to write ghost stories.” -
I may love the backstory of how and when this story was written more than the actual book. Next time someone dares you to write a ghost story…do it.THE DARK DESCENT OF ELIZABETH FRANKENSTEIN by Kiersten White. A creative twist and retelling of Frankenstein, from a somewhat-suspect narrator, Elizabeth Frankenstein. Ending was a - I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING - moment.
Two books that have been on my TO BE READ DURING AUTUMN pile forevuh:
The Cider House Rules by John Irving (a New Hampshire author!) Set in rural Maine during the first half of the twentieth century, a young doctor helps troubled mothers either by delivering and taking in their unwanted babies or by performing illegal abortions. Many themes including change and yearning, morality and human weakness.
The Secret History by Donna Tartt takes place in the fall at the elite Hampden College in Vermont where a group of classics students are involved in the murder of a classmate. I’ve heard it’s chilling and the writing is“fantastic.”
Have you read any of these? Any “autumnal book vibe” books you recommend? Do tell!
And lastly, a true tale of horror…
The Last Part:
WATCHING: Please recommend something good! I started watching Nobody Wants This, and … was disappointed. It had so much potential.
STILL EATING: The most incredible hand-picked NH apples. The crisp sweetness is better than candy.
SMELLING: Wood stoves
REMINDING: “Don’t just boo…VOTE!” (Yes, Barack!)
VISITING: Last week I spoke at a children’s literature class. Even though my entire water bottle dumped into my bag and all of my props were WET, it was so reaffirming to talk to women about stories. Through good times and bad times, we need the storytellers. This is a reminder to keep going - write your stories. Thank you SUSAN and class!!! <3
Bring me to your class or book club!
I’ve heard the Commit to Three strategy before . I, like you, shocker!, definitely over estimate what I can get done in a day and need to remind myself to be realistic. Michael Hyatt also recommends “slaying your dragons” first thing - but I didn’t like the connotation - like the things most important to us need to be killed? I prefer “feed the dragons” or “feed the spirit”. Definitely getting better about doing those things first, when I have the most focus and energy. I can fold laundry and wash dishes after 6, when my energy plummets. My three priorities are often the same as yours - exercise, spirit, write. :)
Such a good reminder! We have a new puppy so everything is out the window right now.
Re Gretchen: I’m an obliger with some rebel tendencies, and I’ve realized that many of my friends are upholders. I wish I were an upholder, but the truth is, I’m not!
And re watching, there’s a new season of Shrinking, which is sometimes silly, but I like the Ted Lasso/Bret Goldstein vibes. We also finally started watching Somebody Somewhere—I hadn’t realized that the Duplass brothers made it. It’s sweet and kind of melancholy.