Why Do Young Girls Travel in Packs?
+ two good books and 57 letters in my mailbox
First, thank you for your kind emails and texts after last week’s freak out regarding mental health and social media. It’s true we need a better relationship with the online world, but It’s also true that great good has come from being widely connected: relationships, vast libraries of information, scientific and medical discoveries…
Did you know you can set a timer on your phone for social media and tech use? My timer is 30 min (I wish I could say I never override the Instagram reminder). You can also have a personal reckoning by looking at your stats for the week. Super easy. Google it!
Second, the day after I posted Happiness is a Handwritten Letter, I received 57 in the mail! THANK YOU. All from students at a school I virtually visited for World Read Aloud Day. It truly made my week. I can tell you this - authors love mail. Once I wrote an email to author Scott Turow (I was blown away by Presumed Innocent) and he wrote a really thoughtful email back. So…take a moment to write a letter to someone. Happiness all around.
Third, I read a GREAT book. I was kindof shocked to absolutely love a middle grade graphic novel. THE TRYOUT is the creation of two-time Newbery Honoree and Kirkus Prize winner Christina Soontornvat (with stellar illustrator, Joanna Cacao). It brought back all of the insecurities, excitement, angst, and FEELINGS of being thirteen. Even if you’ve never been an adolescent girl trying out for cheerleading, you’ll feel this (locker room: I don’t know these people and now I’m in my underwear with them! What if I’m wearing my Care Bear underwear…???!)
This book also reminded me of something else I think about quite a bit: why young girls, especially middle school and high school girls travel in packs. Mind you, this is not a criticism. I love girls. I love them. It’s an observation. We can’t seem to walk to the bathroom alone, need to make announcements together (boys do this too), hold hands and move together in a ball tighter than a stiff knot…
Oft times when young girls are stuck together in these traveling packs they also can’t seem to stop laughing. Everything seems funnier and safer and better when you are laughing - even at the expense of someone else.
This is what I think: we (they) do it for SAFETY. Both emotionally and physically.
It’s incredibly vulnerable to grow up. We are baby birds thrown to the wolves. It’s hard for boys and it’s hard for girls. Your body is changing, your smells are changing (!) you’re becoming more aware of boys, girls, labels, money, clothes, beauty…how much you lack, how much your worth feels so dependent on those things (it doesn’t). Now double/triple that if you’re a minority in any way…
Reading TRYOUT triggered dozens of memories. Not in a bad way. It’s a book that actually makes you feel good, even as you’re recalling a precarious time.
Leaning over a drinking fountain in seventh grade, a boy snapped my bra. “Don’t TOUCH ME!” I yelled at him. The poor kid; I remember his shocked face. He was imitating others, doing what he thought was okay for 7th grade boys to do. I’m glad I yelled; sorry not sorry my mama taught me well.
Or the time I begged a friend to please please please take up my lunch trey bc I just couldn’t make myself walk past the 7th/8th grade boy’s table, knowing they would be looking me up and down and think something about my body. Or horror - say something. We went together. In a tight, shoulder to shoulder giggling pack of two.
There are hundreds more moments like this - I bet you have your moments too.
From a very young age, girls encounter a constant barrage of looks and comments and messages on appearance, size, and beauty.
Girls do it, too - to one another and to boys - and sometimes it’s worse coming from your own gender, but even so, I come back to the pack. We travel in packs because a pack protects you.
Consider my qualifications:
was once a young lass
have three daughters
have worked in schools for my entire adult life
am very nosy (curious, I’m just curious!)
So when you see a pack of giggling girls traveling in a pack stuck together like bubblegum, you may feel like rolling your eyes. But remember - it’s probably not about you at all; it's safety. The bubblegum pack is its own protective bubble. It’s terrible to be in their line of their fire, but that’s also their insecurity speaking. And often they’re just laughing bc everything seems to be funny for no reason at all - and that feels protective, too. Agree or disagree?
The other book I read this week: The Secret Battle of Evan Pao by Wendy Wan-Long Shang. Our protagonist is Evan, a Chinese American middle schooler struggling to adjust to life in an insular, mostly White town when he finds out that there was once Chinese American soldiers in the Civil War. Wendy did such a good job of telling a story from multiple POVs. No shaming; we have compassion for each character, even the bully. Highly recommended!
Yes indeed it’s been a good reading week. How about you?
❤️ Amy
Good News and Story Links
ICYMI: the THE MCNIFFICENTS is coming…
Obsessed with: We Still Need Judy Blume (LOVE her)
Read this: How Do You Serve a Friend in Despair? must read.
Where I’m going: TOMECON23 wheeeeee!
What I’m reading now: I Have Some Questions For You by Rebecca Makkai
Who says we don't travel together in packs as adult females.......this time the traveling is mainly via electronics.
Thank