how we spend our days
happy thanksgiving! and check out these stats...
This one’s a love story.
I remember the first Thanksgiving I didn’t spend at home. I was in college, 1000 miles away from Omaha, Nebraska, and it was too expensive to fly home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. For the next four years, I went to the homes of different relatives. I don’t recall feeling particularly sad. As the oldest child and sibling who had left home for the first time, I was the excited, adventuring Magellan who wrote long reporting-letters home.
I often brought my roommates with me and we became the plus-one or two at the table.
Family pulled up chairs and squished together to make room for more - for which I’ll always be thankful. I loved the ritual of gathering, surrounded by noise and food and so many cousins. The laughing! We never stopped laughing.
I unwillingly played games (I detest learning new games; what is wrong with me) like Pounce and Ticket to Ride - and am still playing them.
There are some wretched Thanksgiving memories. One year, in the middle of dinner, my dad called to tell me one of my best friends had died. I sat back down at the table, tried to swallow turkey and not cry. So polite.
One year it snowed buckets and our power went out. How to cook a turkey without an oven?! We went sledding on gigantic L.L. Bean snow tubes.
There would be other Thanksgivings, far harder than that one.
Yet I still look forward to the holiday every year. Hope rises at the thought of food and family and laughing and way too many pieces of pie.
Each and every one has been a day well spent.
Time has been on my mind. I’ve even taken to tracking it. I recently saw a tweet by @SahilBloom on how we spend our time according to American Time Use Survey and Our World in Data.
Check this out (Quotes by Sahil Bloom):
Time Spent With Parents & Siblings: Peaks in childhood and declines after age 20. Key Takeaways: • Time with family is limited. • Time with parents declines sharply after age 20. • You may only see your loved ones a few more times. Prioritize and cherish every moment.
Time Spent With Friends: Peaks at age 18 and declines sharply to a low baseline. Key Takeaways: • Embrace friendship breadth, but focus on depth. • Cherish those who are with you through good times and bad. Invest your energy in the healthy, meaningful friendships that last.
Time Spent With Partner: Trends upwards until death. Key Takeaways: • Who you choose as a partner is the most important decision you'll ever make. • Find someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with.
Time Spent With Children: Peaks in your 30s and declines sharply thereafter. Key Lessons: • Time with your children is short—the "Magic Years" will fly by if you let them. • Be present in every moment. Slow down and embrace the sweetness that children bring to your life.
Time Spent With Coworkers: Steady during the prime working years from age 20-60. Key Lessons: • You'll spend a lot of time at work. • Who you choose to work with is one of the most important decisions you'll make. Find work—and coworkers—that create energy in your life.
Time Spent Alone: Steadily increases throughout your life. Key Lessons: • Learn to embrace solitude. • Flex your boredom muscle regularly. Find happiness and joy in the time you have to yourself—there will be a whole lot of it as you get older.
After I left for college, I never spent Thanksgiving at my childhood home again. Except for once. Just before my parents moved from Omaha to Arizona and sold our home, my parents, three brothers, and one sister flew home to have Thanksgiving one last time, all together. It was very special (and also heroic; I gave my choking sister the Heimlich maneuver at the Thanksgiving table…and she lived :)
The above graph proves true in my case: time spent with my own parents and family peaked before age 20 and then declined. Time spent with my own children peaked in my 30s and has declined sharply (where are the sad face emojis?)
This is the Thanksgiving where three of my four children are not HERE, thousands of miles away. This feels impossibly terrible (though ALL WILL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!).
There is also the upward trend of time spent with partners of our choice, co-workers, and self. It’s worth enjoying oneself.
Some people find this data encouraging, and others, depressing. I simply find it interesting.
The holidays are an obvious gathering time. They will bring up feelings. It’s okay. Contradictory feelings can both be true.
I was so moved by writer and artist Mari Andrews who recently wrote about “how to have a hard holiday.” It’s worth the read - and a reminder that I have been very very lucky to have a big bustling family who pulled up a lot of chairs and knew how to laugh.
Anyway, my mother will often say that our weird relatives make for the best and funniest stories later (we’re likely all turning into the weird relative).
It’s been 25 years since those college days and I do know this: opportunities to gather start to dwindle. Logistics become harder to juggle. Children grow up. Time passes. Parents and people we love unexpectedly pass.
“Seize the Day” is a pretty good maxim (a general truth, fundamental principle, or rule of conduct).
Annie Dillard famously wrote,
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.
Happiest of Thanksgiving gathering to you and yours. I hope it’s happy. I hope you are gathering with those you want to, or need to, and are having fun. And perhaps take more of my mother’s advice with you: “lower your expectations; you can laugh about it later.”
Amy <3
Book of the Week: open a scrapbook
holidays are a good time to reminisce.
Good News and Story Links
*Wakanda. A great story (the smart, strong, empowered women!) I was moved to tears by the many Chadwick Boseman images.
+ Rihanna’s Lift Me Up. Wow.
*Only TWO more spots left for World Read Aloud with me. Sign up now!
This is, of course, lovely. Thank you Amy for all the feels.
Beautiful reflection ❤️ Thanksgiving blessings❣️